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Introverts. Friendships. Anxieties.

Journal Entry: Sun May 3, 2015, 7:52 AM

So perhaps this journal won't be as positive as my last.


Uhuh... yeah that's right.  I'm gonna get all contemplative on all your asses.  Because, I guess even the most happiest people have trouble sleeping at night.
Perhaps I'm just angry.  Maybe I'm starting to realize some harsh truths about life.
(Deviant Art buddies need not take any offence from this as you guys are the most supportive source of friendship I can rely on.  I cherish every one of you.)

My question to you guys, is tricky.
Do you ever feel like you never truly belong anywhere?  To feel like a completely different species to the rest of the people around you.
No matter how much you try to 'be normal'.


I meet people and I try my hardest to gain and maintain their friendship... and its exhausting.  I'm tired.  I'm tired of wondering why I can't make a friend who I am able to invest my trust, my loyalty and understanding with.  I can't help but feel that even those who say are my friends, actually harbor a bit of hate for me.

I don't understand.  Do I make them uncomfortable?  Am I intimidating?
Am I not meeting your standards?  Do I not qualify for your job description?

I've been told that jealousy plays a big part in my friendships.  And it hurts me to know that there aren't many people out there who will be happy for what I have achieved and what I have been gifted with.  I shouldn't have to suffer for something I have no control over. 

I have times were I believe that even my friends are waiting for me to fall.  To crash and burn.  The sadistic chuckles of schadenfreude.

Despite my seemingly outgoing disguise, I am shy.  I am quiet.  I am scared of most things.  The idea of planning a lunch meet up makes my heart race with anxiety.  I'm afraid to initiate conversations, even through facebook.  My fear is rejection, I'm afraid of being unwanted.

So, No.  I don't shrug off the things you joke about.  It hurts.  When you call me a 'weirdo'... I'm not laughing because I think its funny.  
I'm laughing because I don't want you to see my pain, I don't want to let you see my weaknesses.  
At no time would I ever... EVER!... tell someone that they are unfavorably different.  How dare the wretched pass judgment upon the misunderstood eccentrics who yearn for social acceptance.  I pity the lives lead by generic standards.  How boring your shallow lives must be.

I will never truly fit in anywhere in this world because I know I can't ever change.  Social society frowns upon the introverted creatures, it scorns our lack of activity and spawns an intolerance of our solitary lifestyles.

So perhaps this is simply one of the many ways I'm trying to get answers.
Someone enlighten me... What is it that I'm doing wrong?
For now, I'm just going to accept the fact that sometimes friends can be assholes and just wait it out like the loyal dog I am.

I'm feeling very bitter tonight... I must be over-tired.


deviantID

Lawlfox
For shits and giggles!
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
Australia
Ahoy-hoy!
I am a tattooist from Brisbane, Australia. Aside from pursuing my dream as a tattooist, I love art of all mediums including - but not limited to - Traditional, Digital, Poetry, Literature, Music, Etc, Etc!

I enjoy using Prisma colour pencils when creating traditional artwork, as for Digital artwork I prefer to use Photoshop CS4 and Paint Tool SAI. (I would highly recommend these two programs!)

I'll keep working on this bio! If you got any questions just post a comment or even note me! I love receiving mail LMAO!

:heart: you!
Interests

Activity


Poppy Flower Design by Lawlfox
Poppy Flower Design
I finished this piece at work!
Trying to get the creative ball rolling again!
INSPIRATION POWERS ACITVATE!!!
PEW PEW PEW!!!
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Introverts. Friendships. Anxieties.

Journal Entry: Sun May 3, 2015, 7:52 AM

So perhaps this journal won't be as positive as my last.


Uhuh... yeah that's right.  I'm gonna get all contemplative on all your asses.  Because, I guess even the most happiest people have trouble sleeping at night.
Perhaps I'm just angry.  Maybe I'm starting to realize some harsh truths about life.
(Deviant Art buddies need not take any offence from this as you guys are the most supportive source of friendship I can rely on.  I cherish every one of you.)

My question to you guys, is tricky.
Do you ever feel like you never truly belong anywhere?  To feel like a completely different species to the rest of the people around you.
No matter how much you try to 'be normal'.


I meet people and I try my hardest to gain and maintain their friendship... and its exhausting.  I'm tired.  I'm tired of wondering why I can't make a friend who I am able to invest my trust, my loyalty and understanding with.  I can't help but feel that even those who say are my friends, actually harbor a bit of hate for me.

I don't understand.  Do I make them uncomfortable?  Am I intimidating?
Am I not meeting your standards?  Do I not qualify for your job description?

I've been told that jealousy plays a big part in my friendships.  And it hurts me to know that there aren't many people out there who will be happy for what I have achieved and what I have been gifted with.  I shouldn't have to suffer for something I have no control over. 

I have times were I believe that even my friends are waiting for me to fall.  To crash and burn.  The sadistic chuckles of schadenfreude.

Despite my seemingly outgoing disguise, I am shy.  I am quiet.  I am scared of most things.  The idea of planning a lunch meet up makes my heart race with anxiety.  I'm afraid to initiate conversations, even through facebook.  My fear is rejection, I'm afraid of being unwanted.

So, No.  I don't shrug off the things you joke about.  It hurts.  When you call me a 'weirdo'... I'm not laughing because I think its funny.  
I'm laughing because I don't want you to see my pain, I don't want to let you see my weaknesses.  
At no time would I ever... EVER!... tell someone that they are unfavorably different.  How dare the wretched pass judgment upon the misunderstood eccentrics who yearn for social acceptance.  I pity the lives lead by generic standards.  How boring your shallow lives must be.

I will never truly fit in anywhere in this world because I know I can't ever change.  Social society frowns upon the introverted creatures, it scorns our lack of activity and spawns an intolerance of our solitary lifestyles.

So perhaps this is simply one of the many ways I'm trying to get answers.
Someone enlighten me... What is it that I'm doing wrong?
For now, I'm just going to accept the fact that sometimes friends can be assholes and just wait it out like the loyal dog I am.

I'm feeling very bitter tonight... I must be over-tired.


Indy Fester - Commission by Lawlfox
Indy Fester - Commission
Here's one of Cassielou13's original character's, Indigo Fester!  Enjoy enjoy!
From what I have researched he's a ladies-man magician with an unhealthy obsession for boobies!!  Then again, who doesn't love boobies!  >.>"
I had only a couple references to work from so I hope I managed to get him right! WOOT!

There's something quite enjoyable about getting to know and learn about new characters and their stories!  Heck!  I love Role Play/Co-op story writing, there's nothing more inspiring than discovering a new world that has no limits.  

Well my dear! :iconcassielou13: I hope you enjoy!! 






Character Indigo Fester is Copyright to :iconcassielou13: Cassielou13
Artwork is Copyright to myself :iconlawlfox: Lawlfox
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Comments


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:icontigersharkfreak:
TigersharkFreak Featured By Owner May 15, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
BUTTS.
:heart:
Reply
:iconlawlfox:
Lawlfox Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
Smacked Bottom SOOOO MANY BUUUUUTTS!! ^w^ This cheered me up!!
Reply
:icontigersharkfreak:
TigersharkFreak Featured By Owner 6 days ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
THIS WILL ME YOU FEEL EVEN BETTER!!!
Twerk1 by TigersharkFreak
:heart:
Reply
:iconlawlfox:
Lawlfox Featured By Owner 5 days ago  Hobbyist General Artist
spaz kermit  YAAAAAAAAYYYY!!! Hahaha!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconfaittruo:
Faittruo Featured By Owner May 13, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
YO SON YOUR GALLERY IS HELLA GOOD
Reply
:iconlawlfox:
Lawlfox Featured By Owner May 13, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
AW SHIEEET! THANKS BRUH! DEM FEELZ!!
Reply
:icongrimmwolf360:
GrimmWolf360 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
Just posted the pic ^^
Reply
:iconlawlfox:
Lawlfox Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
*flails arms wildly*  WOOOOOOO!!!! So excited!
Reply
:icongrimmwolf360:
GrimmWolf360 Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
X3
Reply
:icongrimmwolf360:
GrimmWolf360 Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2015  Hobbyist Artist
srry the pic is taking longer than expected >^<
Reply
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